I never breathed. Not that I died before I had the chance; I’m actually immortal. Destined to view life from above without partaking in it. To give beings life but not having life of my own.
But I am not without love. Love. So tragic, so painful. It is impossible to feel the warmth of love without feeling the cold of heartbreak. But is it worth it? Is it better to always have pain and joy, or never to have either?
It is amazing how something as small and seemingly insignificant as a human, can cause such pain to something as big as a star like me.
I nearly burst with pride when they first started out. I was a life sustainer. But I wept when they were foolish enough to destroy themselves in evil when the waters came. But they came back. From where I don’t know, all I know was, I got a second chance.
I was as happy as they were when they made technology. I sustained life, that could make light come from nowhere; could make heavy objects float in the sky and even send objects to my sister, the moon. Nonetheless they still found a way to break my heart. They were cruel enough to destroy each-other because of race.
That was it. I couldn’t deal with the anguish. I still gave them my warmth, but I couldn’t give them my love. All they did was became so evil that a clean heart was a stench, then became good again. Repeat.
My back turned on them. How could i bear to watch their desirable ways? So instead, I imagined. What would it be like, if I couldn’t feel pain. Would my existence be better if they were perfect? Do they know that I care about them, or even that I can think?
I shut them off from me. It was lonely. I spent many millennia dreaming. I used to have a dream. What if I could be with the other stars, where we all hated affliction, where we were perfect? But, alas, I couldn’t. And even if I could it wouldn’t matter. I was too afraid of experiencing pain to see the good. I couldn’t love anything. They were like disposable men to me. And it turns out, what I was really destined for, was to be, a lonely star.
Submitted for InMon XIII, May 23, 2011