Farewell: I Go to My Home Fries

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potato

Image by Rusty Clark

As I alluded in my last non-prompt-related post, I recently joined the Church of the Lonely Potato (braise him!).

I was hoping to avoid this, but…I must stop blogging. To follow in the footsteps of the Transcendental Tuber and achieve perfect Loneliness, I must stop writing altogether. Those dedicating their lives to hashbrown hermitude have time for nothing but reclusiveness and root vegetables along the Via Solanum Tuberosum.

This final goodbye, itself, may leave a dark spot on my previously unblemished peel, but though it condemn me to an eternity in the Deep Fryer, I could not leave you without acknowledging our many happy years together. I was thinking about it during my bacon-bit baptism, and I swear – my tears at this farewell could salt an entire bag of Lays.

As I enter the service of the Solitary Spud, I know that it may seem like I’ve bitten off more than I can chew, but this vegetative void shall not be fruitless. When the masher finally descends to escort me into the buttery clouds, I know I will have nothing but au gratinitude for all that the tater tot me.

His eye is upon us.

About Stephanie Orges

Stephanie is an award-winning copywriter, aspiring novelist, and barely passable ukulele player. Here, she offers writing prompts, tips, and moderate-to-deep philosophical discussions. You can also find her on and Pinterest.
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24 Comments

  1. Oh Stephanie…I can’t remember the last time I laughed as a result of a blog post. Well done, milady, well done. May your tuberosity bestow upon you all of the greatest of the greatnesses, and may the fruits of your new pursuit do you proud.

    Bon Poisson d’Avril!

  2. Leaving? What? No more hashtagbrowns? sighs extremely dramatically Bbbbut I just found you.

    It was a funny farewell, and even though I have not been here long, you will be missed.

    k~

  3. Did anybody notice the date of her Spudness’s blog?

    May you meet a handsome young fryer as you enter deep into your new service. (Fast food).

    • I’m afraid they discourage fraternization in the CotLP – you know, we aspire to perfect Loneliness and all. Which is seriously starting to make me doubt my commitment. I mean, are deep fried starches really worth it?

  4. I was holding together until you broke out the latin, then I broke down into tears… of laughter. 😉

  5. That sounds like the perfect church for my french fry eating autistic son! Yum!

    Happy April, you fool! 😀

  6. Keep the Home Fries burning, Steph.

  7. Congrats! No starchy exit for you, you sautéed sliver. I may not have been espied by those beady protuberances, but I have been a-lurking, lingering in the (buffalo) wings, poised like a coiled chip.
    Long live the King, especially Edward.

  8. Awesome post. I still have a grin on my face.

  9. Adieu, pomme frite, but beware false potato piety and deceitful tuber tenets! You’ve chosen a tough row to hoe, my little fingerling. The path to the Promised Pan will be lumpy. No scalloped edges will welcome you—you’ll find no glory on a griddle or rapture on a roasting rack!

    Go then if you must. Drop us like a hot..uh..russet! If you have not yet been fully converted to pierogi, knish, or gnocchi, please consider joining our sect. We live on couches worldwide, getting twice-baked. At least I yam.

    • Oh. My gosh. I KNEW you would totally pwn me at this. The entire time I was writing the post I was thinking “Debra is so much better at this. What would Debra do?”

      And you’re right – I am infinitely better suited to the couch life than to some starchy monasticism.

  10. Absolutely hilarious!! Love the silliness. Well done.

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