55% of human communication is nonverbal.
Which means more than half of what you say is nothing but expressions and gestures and eye contact.
Which means if you use nothing but “he said” and “she replied” to tag dialogue, your readers are missing half the message. Besides which, body language is also an effective way to show tone without “telling” tone. For instance:
“Hmmm,” she said unhappily/happily/thoughtfully. [All “telling”]
“Hmmm,” she frowned.
“Hmmm,” she smiled.
“Hmmm,” she tapped her lips with one finger.
We have the additional benefit of cutting the dialogue tag, “said,” which can get annoying in large doses.
Of course, use of body language isn’t limited to dialogue. You can say a lot without actually saying anything (useful if, like me, you are terrible at writing dialogue):
He hunched in his chair, elbows on knees, head in hands.
She bit the corner of her bottom lip, her gaze darting left and right.
He frowned, stroking his chin.
She leaned back and folded her arms, tapping her fingers against her skin.
He cocked one eyebrow, smirking.
There are countless other gestures to illustrate countless other emotions. Here are a few (in totally random order). Got any other good ones? Leave ‘em in the comments!
Grin
Smirk
Grimace
Furrow brow
Wrinkle forehead
Slap forehead
Twiddle thumbs
Twitch/tick
Bite nail
Suck thumb
Pick nose
Run hand through hair
Twirl hair
Skip
Amble
Stroll
Lumber
Swagger
Shuffle
Bob head
Flare nostrils
Wink
Nod
Shake head
Hug self/knees
Rub arms
Shudder
Shiver
Tremble
Scratch
Rub eye
Slouch
Tilt head to one side
Meet gaze
Look in the eye
Gaze slide to floor
Blink
Start
Shrug
Sigh
Sniff
Swallow
Wrinkle nose
Squint
Shift weight
Cross legs
Eyes glitter
Eyes glint
Clap
Snap fingers
Thread fingers
Fold hands
Nose in air
Look down nose
Look sideways
Peer
Glance
Stare
Glare
Purse lips
Push hair out of eyes
While reading this, I ‘looked appraisingly’ and my eyelid twitched … but I also think Stephen King had equally good advice in “On Writing.” His advice amounted to, “stick with ‘he/she said and avoid anything ending with -ly” … a rule he often breaks, himself. The point of the contradiction? Your story will tell you exactly how to draw your characters, if you’re open to listening to it. Hard and fast rules are good, but all rules are made to be broken. Only you know what’s right for your story. If you’re struggling with it, write what feels natural first; it can always be changed in the editing process.
I’ve heard elsewhere that people simply skim over he said/she said, and redundancy isn’t really a problem. I agree, but wherever you can sneak in more description and eliminate unecessary words at the same time, you should. You’re right about rules! You’ve got to know them through and through before you start breaking them.
I keep hearing about King’s “On Writing,” though I haven’t read any of his work and therefore am not inclined to take his advice on anything. Sounds good, though; maybe I should give it a look.
Stephen King does indeed break his own rules! His On Writing book is well worth a read, even if you don’t like his work, as it’s more about his history and philosophy for writing than anything else.
Great post by the way! I can’t stand the “-ly” use, especially when it is abused with such horrors as “he said disturbingly” or worse “he said disgustedly” which have stuck out so much in a novel I’m reading at the moment, Graham Brown, The Mayan Conspiracy. Good story but poor telling instead of showing.
Yeah, I keep hearing about it. I really need to check it out. I just haven’t read ANY of his stuff yet, and I kind of want to preface On Writing with a little background. Right now I’m reading Ray Bradbury’s Zen in the Art of Writing, which is quite good.
Great tips!
I find that I use the words ‘quivered’ and ‘glowered’ a lot. Poor characters, all those scenes I write that match them well. =(
Two great words! I like “glowered” much better than “glared.”
I start overusing it, and my characters do both a lot so I’ve got to be careful with it. I’m always looking for a new way to make it stand out.
Everything in moderation, I guess. I have a tendency to overuse “she bit her lip.”
What a great post. Being new to writing I have already struggled with long pieces of dialogue. I will most certainly use this in my next prompt response.
Glad to be useful!
Her mind grew wings: flitting over the suggested verbiage, sucking and drawing nutrients from the list provided by “be kind re-write.” Chessie’s dance accentuates her grateful “Thank you.”
Haha. You’re very welcome.
Sorry, I gotta go with allwaysunmended on this one. Stick primarily with “said” as it’s one of those mostly invisible words like “a” “of” “the” etc…Of course, if they’re overused, they become obvious, as does “said.”
My take is, the dialogue and the nonverbals need to go hand in hand, but with a twist. Think emotion. What is that character FEELING as they say or do what they’re doing? That, quite often, will dictate exactly what they say and what they do.
So, instead of
“Hmmmm,” she smiled.
More like
Her left eyebrow arched and her eyes danced playfully. “Hmmmm,” she said, a finger twirling a long lock of hair.
Now, be honest…did you even notice the “said” in that?
One final note: if you have trouble with dialogue, the two masters of it right now are Elmore Leonard and Charlie Huston. Study anything by either…they both kick ass.
Read above for what I said to alwaysunmended. I don’t have a problem with he said/she said per se, but like all thing in writing, if it can be eliminated, it should be.
Your example is a good one; the way you’ve wrriten it makes the “said” necessary for flow, to break up the body language. But you’ll notice it’s a bit passive and just a tiny bit clunky:
Her left eyebrow arched and her eyes danced playfully. “Hmmmm,” she said, a finger twirling a long lock of hair.
Instead, try:
“Hmmm,” she arched her left eyebrow, her eyes dancing playfully as she twirled a lock of hair with one finger.
If you moved the “hmmm” to the end, you could add a “she said,” but is it really necessary?
Thanks for your thoughts Tobin, and thanks for the Leonard/Huston recommendation!
Wow. What a list. I kept scrolling and scrolling… will definitely have to come back and sift through this when I need some help describing what my characters are doing.
I really should go back, add more, and arrange them all by emotion or something…maybe a future post!
Thanks, Stephanie. I have SO much to learn, it’s nice to absorb it in a fun way.
We all do (have a lot to learn). I’m glad to help in any way I can!
I’m starting to use even the word “said” sparingly. Instead, I’m trying to use more action and body language.
She slammed the file down on the desk. “What’s the meaning of this?”
“I’ll get right on it.” He leaned back in his chair and put his feet up on the table.
I find that I don’t miss “said” at all. And it forces me to pay attention to nonverbal cues.
True! This is a good example – the contrast between what he says and how he moves, and you never even have to say “he said sarcastically.” Nice.
I’ve moved towards using “he/she said” rather than stretching myself for an adjective that may fit awkwardly–and I admit that King’s On Writing helped point me in that direction–and I think it’s helped my writing improve. Of course, I still try to use characters’ body language whenever possible; I just try to mention it gracefully (always a work-in-progress, naturally). You’re right–it’s an important and often overlooked way to communicate character.
One more thing: formatting is important. “‘Hmmm,’ she frowned” is actually wrong, I think, because the act of frowning does not make a sound. Rather, it should be written: “‘Hmmm.’ She frowned.” or “‘Hmmm,’ she said, frowning.” While the frowning is done in conjunction with the “hmmm,” it is a separate action.
It’s the adverbs that can really kill style. And synonyms for “said” are often worse than the word itself. I think body language often, with some “said”s every now and then, is just the right mix.
Commas and periods, you might be right. Although I think it also depends on the timing.”‘Hmmm,’ she frowned.” tells me she is frowning and saying “hmmm” at the same time, whereas “‘Hmmm.’ She frowned.” sounds like she says “hmmm” and THEN frowns. That might just be me, though.
I see that, and that’s why I used to use it (and many people still do). It’s common enough that I don’t even know if editors care about it, but it still strikes me as grammatically and logically incorrect. The “…she said, frowning” construction suggests simultaneous actions, though it does have to make use of both words. *shrug*
Adverbs, yeah, that’s what I meant, haha. And here I am talking about grammar. Both adjectives and adverbs can kill style and make style wonderful–but they should be used like spices, like strong flavoring. A good recipe isn’t cluttered with too many different flavors, but chooses just the right ones for a desired effect. Descriptive words should be used the same, I think! Plus I love a good culinary metaphor. +)
Hmmm. I’ll have to chew on this one for a while. Or is it “awhile”?
I agree with David on the adverb/adjective front. Over-using both has been something I have fought in my own writing, and I realize that my work is stronger with fewer well-placed adjectives and adverbs.
However, on the he said/she said front, I have a different take. Sometimes “said” is the right choice, sometimes body-language, and sometimes the correct choice is… neither. Have you read any P. G. Wodehouse? I consider him one of the top wordsmiths of the English language, too often dismissed because his style is so unassumingly comedic. I began to realize, a while back, that I loved his dialogue. Then I looked closer at his dialog, and what did I see?
From Joy in the Morning, by Wodehouse:
“Stap my vitals, Stilton,” I cried, in uncontrollable astonishment. “Why the fancy dress?”
He, too, had a question to ask,
“What the hell are you doing here, you bloodstained Wooster?”
I held up a hand. This was no time for side issues.
“Why are you got up like a policeman?”
“I am a policeman”
“A policeman?”
“Yes.”
“When you say ‘policeman,'” I queried, groping, “do you mean ‘policeman’?”
“Yes.”
“You’re a policeman?”
“Yes, blast you. Are you deaf? I’m a policeman.”
I grasped it now. He was a policeman…
::End excerpt::
And there is my theory of dialog in a nutshell. Thank you Wodehouse! There is body-language, one sees “cried” and “queried” but all simply dart in like sheepdogs to keep the dialog on track, and then are gone. The rest is spare, quick and utterly clear. I can see the exchange, I can hear it, and I enjoyed it, and there was nothing flowery or extraneous to distract me. I was never confused as to who was speaking. I love it!
Great example! Some of the writers for Inspiration Monday have done all-dialogue stories, done entirely without descriptors or tags or anything. It’s quite punchy and does a great job of “showing.” When it’s three or more characters, though, it gets a little more difficult.
It does become more tricky with more than two, but the concept that one doesn’t need to indicate who is speaking on every line really helped me improve in my writing. Now I actually think about whether or not I need to clarify. All-dialog stories fascinate me.
Definitely. It also helps if one or more characters has a unique accent; that can define who is speaking without tags as well.
Aye, indeed. Accents are so tough, and I am always wondering where to “draw the line” as far as how much accent to include in a story. Currently I am writing a story where I am including dialect close to accents of my native Tennessee, and it adds the correct atmosphere, but I fear it will be a block or an irritation to readers.
I”m reading Huck Finn right now, and the accents are a tad hard to “translate,” but I think it adds a lot to astmosphere.
Mark Twain is better at it than I am, too. 🙂
I suppose I will figure it out as I go along.
Just like jumping in the pool to learn to swim. : )
Hopefully minus the inhaling of water…
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