I thought I’d kick off the month with a quick list of writing tips that are sure to create a bestseller.
1. Don’t write every day. Writing is like lifting weights. Your mental muscles need to rest every other day, or you might strain something and damage it permanently.
2. Don’t read other people’s work. When you create something, it needs to come from you alone. You can’t write something pure and honestly yours if you have other people’s words swimming around in your head.
3. The more words, the better. A short novel is the sign of an amateur writer. Anything less than 100,000 words is a disgrace.
4. The first chapter should be mostly backstory. Your readers need to get to know your characters before they can get into the real action. Flashbacks are really useful for this, and you can use as many as you want.
5. Don’t nitpick. 99% of the time, the first version you write will be the best version. Don’t second-guess yourself. Anyone who criticizes your grammar or sentence structure just obviously doesn’t understand art.
6. Use a cool font. Times New Roman is kind of boring. Comic Sans is much more fun looking, and it will add whimsy to your writing.
7. Take up smoking. That way your hands will have something to do when you’re not typing.
BONUS TIP: Once you get published, make sure that on the front cover, your name is bigger than the title of the book. Branding yourself as an author is way more important than promoting the story itself.
Ha ha! You almost got me! OMG these are funny. Written by the anti-Stephanie! Comic Sans…I can’t stop laughing!
I kind of stole the idea of an April Fool’s post from Daily Blog Tips – they promised to give away $1.000 to one reader every week. Notice it’s a period, not a comma? Yeah. Glad you enjoyed my version!
I didn’t catch on until #4. Then I was like WHAT?
But I agree with #1. Sometimes putting things on hold for a day or so allows me to come back with fresh eyes. If I’m having difficulty with a certain scene, sometimes a day or so later the perfect words will pop out of nowhere.
I’d like to take this opportunity to talk behind Stephanie’s back.
Stephanie is one of the wisest, most inspiring, and humorous bloggers on the net, which she does while maintaining a respectful and encouraging approach. I think she’s pretty young, which makes her all the more remarkable. I have no doubt she will become successful in whatever writing path she pursues. She already is.
I do not like April Fool’s day. It’s a culturally acceptable excuse to tease people in contemptible ways. I saw some titles around the net where people were mean to animals on A.F. Day, but I couldn’t read them so I don’t know what they did. I’m sure there are thousands of vile “tricks” not reported, same as on Halloween.
This is the first time I’ve ever been amused and delighted by A.F. mischief. This post has had me giggling all day!
This is the true spirit of April Fool’s Day. Harmless teasing. Which is quite fun. I love a good surprise.
However, like everything, bad people will twist holidays into an opportunity to abuse others. Like you mentioned Halloween. Perfect example. I love Halloween. But I hate the gore. The vandalism. Animal abuse. All things that have nothing to do with the holiday, but created by people, because everything has to be over the top and overdone and practically gratuitous to entertain some people. And it really just ruins it for the rest of us. It’s a real shame.
So true. And it seems like it keeps getting worse. Not just on holidays, but reality TV, for instance. Lady Gaga in a meat dress – which wasn’t even original, since they’d done that on Next Top Model a few years before. They’re just going for the shock-factor. Nothing more.
Debra, you’re going to make me cry. Thank you.
I’ve never heard of animal cruelty on April Fool’s, but I guess some people will find any excuse. Mostly I check on the big online companies; Google always has something good – this year they introduced “Gmail Motion,” which allows you to check your email using body language, and LinkedIn had characters like Sherlock Holmes and Robin Hood in the list of “people you might know.”
Putting off one peice of writing for a day (or even a few months) is definitely good advice, but you should try to work on something else in between. Writing SOMETHING everyday keeps you going. Sundays are the only days I don’t write, and even then I journal.
I particularly liked the last one. Good thing I wasn’t drinking anything…Thanks for the great laugh. Almost had me..
You weren’t drinking anything?!? Darn it! My entire motivation for writing that post was to get you to shoot grape juice out of your nose. Curses! Foiled again!
Well … I’m a new believer! I haven’t read here before, but I didn’t fall for your suggestions … but they are hilarious!!!!! haha
Going off to do the opposite! lol
Welcome to the family! Glad to have you join us.
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The bonus tip made me smile. (I HATE when the author name is bigger than the title. HATE IT.)
Omigosh, yes! That is one of my pet peeves.